funny how these things worked out.

loritron — Fri, 26 Aug 2011 00:15:40 +0000

” “I think it’s for the best.”
And I disagreed. But what am I supposed to say? “Don’t leave me, I love you.” But that’s been said a thousand times between us. Different days, and always different situations. She moved. I moved. She reconnected with him. I imagined my world drifting off to Texas. Funny how these things worked out.
And yet I never once imagined this. Or, at least, didn’t truly think it was going to happen. We were in love. Well, I guess I was. Am. Always.
“I think it’s for the best.”
The words kept running through my head like a broken record. Along with flashes from the past. Our past. The stupid jokes. The walks in the park. The awkward meals. It was all us. But.. I guess not anymore. Now it’s all just.. memories. Pointless memories a thousand miles away. Lost from the mind of the person that matters most to me.
“I think it’s for the best.”
I know I will never say those words again. Nothing but tears and forgotten times will be associated with that sentence. But, honestly, I will never forget. Never forget her. Never forget us.
“I think it’s for the best.”
And I disagreed. “

ouch.

the truth is

loritron — Sun, 07 Aug 2011 05:38:20 +0000

i hate what we’ve become

i hate that we’re just another failed relationship

i hate looking at your facebook relationship status, i hate that i used to look at your page just to see my name there

i hate how badly i feel, in relation to how happy i was

i hate that i have to fake normality at work

i hate that i can’t bring myself to delete photos of you on my phone

i hate that i worry about you and your future

i hate that you pretend i don’t exist anymore

i hate that we used to be such good friends, i hate that we don’t have those late night conversation, i hate that it doesn’t matter to you, but it matters to me

i hate that i see you often, i hate being pleased that you seem to be happy

i hate knowing you won’t be by my side

i hate realizing i’ll never hold your hand again

i hate that nutella doesn’t taste the same anymore

i hate how my mind drifts off to the past at night

i hated finding the short story you wrote in my journal after forgetting about it for so long

i hate that the subject of conversations with mutual friends always drifts to you

i hate april 29th, i’d be happy if that date just didn’t exist anymore

i hate not knowing how you feel, i hate that i don’t have the guts to talk to you

i hate that i don’t even have the guts to ask for my cds back

i hate that the roll of film i used to take photos of you at the park somehow got destroyed in the film processor at the lab

i hate that i still feel this way, and that i’ve already accepted that i will continue to feel this way for an indefinite amount of time

i hate going to places that i went to with you before, i hate the fleeting memories that accompany me there

i hate that i have to drink to suppress that nostalgia

i hate it when my mother asks me how you’re doing

i hate the park, i hate the ducks, i hate that fucking bridge

i hate that my heart still sinks when you’re not there in the morning

i hate bad romance, fuck you, and this is love

i hate that i took you and my time with you for granted

i hate that i don’t hate you, when i probably should

loritron — Tue, 27 Jul 2010 05:32:48 +0000

lay down your lucky hand upon her heart
morning becomes a kite tangled up in stars
laugh in the midday light and leave it behind
move out into his sundry eyes, and sing, unwind

loritron — Mon, 19 Jul 2010 01:11:59 +0000

i just need to accept that i am not in control of everything like i would like to be.
all i can do is thank you, sincerely, eternally, for everything. for opening my eyes, my mind, my heart. for making me feel.. just feel.
i said some stupid things, and i fell too fast, and even though i felt, i knew, the days were numbered, that something would burn the bridges, i emotionally invested myself way too deep. but i was smart this time, i never took one second for granted. i have some of the best memories, not even huge ones. the subtleties no one would understand the significance of but me. the car rides, the humid nights, the stupid plants i gave you, the way the sky looked from the construction house. thankyou. with every fiber of my being, thankyou.
but i am not in control of this, and i refuse to try anymore.
i was going to try college, maybe even ut or scad.
but at this point i don’t really know what to do other than keeping up with my workaholic tendencies with some sleep in between. as long as i am busy my mind doesn’t wander.
this all doesn’t make much sense i guess. i didn’t have a coherent plan in what i was going to write, i just needed to write. honestly i’ll probably delete it tomorrow.

loritron — Mon, 05 Jul 2010 05:21:28 +0000

i forgot how much i loved thx 1138.

“everything will be all right. you are in my hands. i am here to protect you. you have nowhere to go. you have nowhere to go.”

“the theater of noise is proof of our potential. the circulation of autotypes. the golden talisman underfoot is phenomenon approaching. and in the history of now all ethos are designed.”

loritron — Mon, 28 Jun 2010 04:20:55 +0000

i’m definitely going to be one of those people who keep an intense bucketlist so i don’t miss out on anything. getting old is creepy. i digress frequently enough as it is, i’ll be spouting out “but what about multilingual jellyfish jumping through flaming bubble-wands, isn’t that what we should refocus our compounded alien intellects on, isn’t that the real issue here” in the middle of political conversations soon enough.

i completely lost my train of thought thinking about that, i’ll re-rail later.

loritron — Thu, 24 Jun 2010 20:26:41 +0000

shut the fuck up with your pretty french phrases

and your self-righteous alone-is-just-the-way-i-live.

but i am here and you are there and that will be the way it is and you and me will never be a we.

i’m tired of mourning over someone who hasn’t died yet.

but when you’re a thousand miles away, what do i have left to do but mourn over a city i miss and a lost second chance?

maybe you haven’t died or i haven’t died, but anything between us is six feet under, rotting, becoming a city-state for all sorts of insects. we didn’t even buy it a casket.

why didn’t we bury it in a pet cemetary?

where maybe there would be some hope of.. well, anything.

but no matter how seeing-red fucking infuriated i could be at you,
i desperately miss you.
i can’t function.
i can’t breath.
(i hate that word now.)

but i will be back, in about five years.

don’t you fucking forget me, texas.

loritron — Fri, 28 May 2010 05:27:26 +0000

what is it about videogames that makes real life so uninteresting?
why can’t everybody be dancing to a beat
why don’t i get followed everywhere by a gibberish-speaking fairy
why shouldn’t i be able to slow down time as long as i have the sand
why isn’t it legal to feed on the brains of unsuspecting humans
why can’t i defend myself from space pirates and energy-sucking life-forms
why can’t aliens attack and the world lies in the hands of a master chief and a handful of marines
why can’t i help the sunshine beat the muck with a FLUDD
why can’t i race cars at impossible speeds, and live to tell the story
why should i believe what the computer says about cake

because the line between fantasy and reality should be blurred more often.
think about it.

loritron — Thu, 27 May 2010 05:24:58 +0000

i really want to write
i haven’t used my brain at all in so long
and it’s starting to annoy me; my vocabulary is drifting, my wit is gone, my general cleverness is out the window
so some healthy writing is long past due

same thing with art
maybe some nice pictures here and there
but i haven’t committed to anything larger than a doodle in so long
when did i stop caring?

why do i write on this anymore, for that matter?
it’s not really a diary, i don’t treat it as one
just random drunken thoughts stretched out in pixelations
is that a word?

what the fuck happened to me?

i haven’t felt this far away from the whole of humanity in a while
it’s strange and desolate
i’m in a huge city and i’ve never felt so isolated
maybe i should stop asking so many questions to my livejournal, reader population: 0
nobody can answer them but me

and that’s the moral of the story,

don’t read this

loritron — Thu, 20 May 2010 06:07:07 +0000

we met the night i came to austin
you had pretty eyes
and a pretty smile

i just thought you were cute

but i got to know you
you’re an artist
and you walk barefoot everywhere
you have the best taste in music
and you’re not just pretty on the outside

i just wanted to say
that i wish it had worked
maybe someday i could be the right girl for you
but not today

but i’ll always miss riding in the car with you
listening to your crazy music
and stealing glances at you when you’re looking the other way

here’s wishing you’d reconsider
before my worried shoes take me back home